Feeling the big "Four Oh"

Have you been asked: "What keeps you up at night?" My secret answer in my head always is "Nothing!"  (Although I never give that as the answer, but think of something wise to say) 🙂

But as I turn 40, it does give me a few reasons to sit up and night and think. Forty is tricky business. Stealing a line from Top Gun, when you are forty, "your ego is writing checks your body can't cash!"

I think what makes forty unique is that you haven't yet aged in your head and in body, but you've come to relish deep meaningful experiences, developed a taste for good things in life and created a coterie of close people around you.

At about half way through life, one tends to remember the highs with fondness. The first car, house, marriage, child, job, promotion, graduation. Shining examples of growing up! But you should feel lucky if you've also gathered some lessons along the way, bruised your ego a little, broken a few dreams, or struggled at something. Why? Because that's what life is all about, isn't it? It's messy, it's painful and it sucks in equal measure to when it shines and blossoms..

And just the way you own the successes, you gotta own the failures. Missing that dream job or education, losing touch with a friend, bad health - all of these must be realized as casualties of your choices. Quite ironically, it begins with "I". Realizing THAT is  the biggest gift of scaling 40. I've tried to own up and fix some of the mistakes in last few years. I've been successful in some, but realized it's too late for others.

So what are my lessons from my own 40 trips around the Sun? Sharing here for anyone on the same trip as me:

Personal:

• Value of Exercise: you've got just 1 body to live in. Trust me, put everything aside and exercise. It will transform every other aspect of life.
• Expand your skills- sports, music, art, cooking. Get something interesting to say when someone asks: "Tell me about yourself.." In this one thing it's never too late to learn.

Professional:

• Three fundamentals I've learnt: Work with a "can do" attitude. Shine a light on that good work yourself. Make the effort to network meaningfully.
• Embrace Change: That means "having strong opinions loosely held". Have a point of view that you're willing to bat for. But willingly change it when evidence presents itself .
• Single most important word: Learn the power of "No". Make no mistake - it doesn't contrast with the first point. It's about prioritizing.

Family:

• Build a home, not just a house: Create a place your family will miss when they're away! Prioritize the time and attention for it over everything else.
• Enjoy the rollercoaster: it's like the song: "Nobody gets out alive". Happiness truly is not in the destination, but in the pursuit and journey.

Society:

• Be discerning : understand the motivations that drive people. Remember JRR Tolkien's wisdom: "All that is gold does not glitter". Look for genuine people and causes.
• Pay it forward: realize that you are in an extremely rare situation of being able to meet your ends and have some left over. Help others and leave this place better than you found it.

All this is that rare epiphany that kept me up at night. Onward to the next journey!