Friends

Main akela hi chala tha janib-e-manzil magar…
Log milte gaye, aur karwaan banta gaya…

Sitting alone sipping chai in a remote corner of the world on a Saturday afternoon, these words from an old shayari come to my mind out of nowhere, and it begins. It’s been a long time since I wrote anything, and words and thoughts rush out like pent up roaring water from the opened flood-gates. It has been so long since I wrote that I myself had started believing that the words had all dried up inside me. But today, half formed thoughts are seeking completion outside rather than within my mind.

Loosely translated, the lines from the shayari mean: I started out alone towards my destination, but people kept joining me along the way and formed a multitude. But what happens to the karwaan when the companions leave it to strike out different paths? Today, that is a question bothering my mind.

I don’t remember the first friend I ever made. It must surely have been in mini kindergarten. During one of those utterly simple yet engaging kindergarten activities, I must have had my first touch with friendship. Till then life had contained only family and relatives: my mom, dad, sister, my favorite aunt and my old uncle who gave me a 5-Star chocolate every time he came to visit. Ever since those days, friends became a very, very important part of my life. Even today, when my family sits around sipping nice evening chai and the talks turn to my sister’s and my childhood days, my mom always tells me that I was one of those very few kids who did not cry on their first day in school. When all the kids were holding on to their moms and crying or making sad faces, I was one the few who was enthralled by the idea of being with so many people of my age – my first friends!

Through ten years of schooling, this remained my characteristic trait. I was happiest when I was amongst my friends. It was a world I had created on my own. I had forged the friendships myself, and I held them dearest to my heart. I still remember my school ‘send-off’ function and how I had felt broken asunder to see all my friends go their separate ways. To be frank, I was never one of those who are equally close with all their friends. For me, it always had to be a close-knit group of friends with whom I could relate and just be myself. Even now, as memories fade with time, the ones that stand out glitteringly are those of the times spent with my close group of friends.

As I moved on to junior college, I entered a new world. This was a world at once known yet unrecognizable to me. It was a known world because many of my school friends were with me in college. Yet it was totally new because the same friends were now no longer interested in just hanging out and spending time with each other in silly pursuits, but were more interested in partying, clubbing, ‘motor-biking’, and going to movies and expensive restaurants. Gone was the camaraderie we once shared. Just a single batata-vada shared three ways was once enough to make it a “happy evening” – not that I minded having the freedom to spend more on food once I went to college, but what I had most enjoyed during those shared vadas was not the food, but the amazing sense of companionship that we shared which was more tasty than the food itself. And in spite of all the money my friends spent in junior college, the main ingredient for me was, sadly missing.

As is the habit of most things fluid, time changed. Luckily for me, my undergraduate college was a much, much happier place for me. I met and befriended many people who were in the same space and plane as me. After yearning for two years in junior college, finally, I was once again part of a group where I could revel in just being myself! Sharing missal in the college canteen three ways was once again a part of my day. The happiest moment of the day was when I met the whole gang at Matunga railway station in the morning knowing that we would have loads of fun that day. I remember those days dearly, because when I used to wake up each morning, for four consecutive years, I had an instant smile on my lips – a smile which was testimony to the fact that my friends had made my day worth living and looking forward to. Even the thought of waking up early to catch the 7:44 am Borivali fast wouldn’t dampen my spirit! I never feared any exams, assignment/project deadlines because an unquantifiable sense of limitless ability filled me each day in college – a sense borne out of being part of such a wonderful fellowship.

What happened next came so suddenly (to me at that time, though I always knew it would happen) that though I had seen it coming, I was not expecting it to change things so drastically. One cloudy day in June, we submitted our project report and my undergraduate college was over. Just like that, all bonds of close companionship snapped. Before it had sunk in, I was on a plane to the USA – thousands of miles from anyone I knew.

I remember that night when I boarded the flight. There was the apprehension of uncertainty, but the emotion that painted that night in my memories was the grief at going away from my friends - going so far away that I wouldn’t even be able to call them when I wished to. And the one question gnawing my mind was – will I find such friends again?

Life had some good things in store for me though. Not only did I find friends just like I wished to, I found a second home in a foreign land. My roommates in the US were a very special lot. For one and half years, we all lived, studied, ate and played together. Once again, the measure of friendship – the happiness obtained from a shared pizza was met. With meager earnings, we did not have the wherewithal to go partying and clubbing, but we had each other – and that was enough. We were brothers.

I should have known it then. I should have known that it was all just too good to last. The unseen Hand once again uprooted all of us, and flung us so far apart that meeting or sometimes even chatting on the phone was out of question. I moved into a one bed apartment in Virginia.

I reflect upon the past one and half years since I started living alone. I met many people since then. I made acquaintances. I made contacts. But I never really made friends again. The people I met – whether in office or otherwise – were more interested in doing specific things they wanted to do, rather than being with each other and not caring what to do. In school or in undergraduate college, when we friends used to meet, we were happier by the thought of just being with each other. We never pondered much about what exactly we were going to do after meeting up. I still remember the day when we all from college were going to Lonavla for a trip. We were going to leave the next day early morning, and the earlier evening, I went from Dadar – where I lived - (the place from where the train was going to start the next day morning) to Nerul – where my best friend lived just to spend the night at his place – not caring that it was completely illogical, not caring that it was all too troublesome to go the next day from Nerul to Thane to catch the train when I could have taken the train with great ease from Dadar itself.

Contrast it with this: I and a couple of my office colleagues in Virginia decided to go for the new movie in the evening. The theater is equidistant from my house and my colleague’s house. I call him up, and invite him over to my place to spend the afternoon (I tell him we can have lunch together or maybe just hang out at my place till the time of the movie show). I request him a few times, and he says – I need to wash my dishes and may be arrange a few things in my house. Plus it would be weird to come to your house and then go to the movie, why don’t we just meet at the theater?

We have invented many ways to apparently keep in touch with each other. The website orkut is one such thing. Each time when I login to this website, I see many of my old friends there. I wonder where they are, and what they are doing. Do they still think about our days together as friends? Are they too, like me, surrounded by people but alone in a sea of unknown faces? I decide to message them, and then I hold back. Do they feel the loss that I feel? May be not. Sometimes, I do message them and many times, I don’t hear back. Today as I login to orkut, I hope to see messages from my friends, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there aren’t any. The time when I used to be surprised is long gone.

Many things have changed since I was among friends. I used to once wonder why my parents lost touch with all their school and college friends. I don’t wonder anymore.

Eric Carmen’s song comes to my mind today:

When I was young
I never needed anyone
And makin love was just for fun
Those days are gone

Livin alone
I think of all the friends I’ve known
But when I dial the telephone
Nobody’s home

All by myself
Dont wanna be
All by myself anymore
All by myself
Dont wanna live
All by myself anymore

Recently in a book, I read an afghan phrase: zendagi migzaara, life goes on. It very aptly defines the underlying current of our existence. A thought creeps hesitantly into my mind as I write this. What are friends anyway? My guess is: friends are our own reflections. All through our childhood, we seek our own reflections. But somewhere along the way, when we look into the mirror of life, we see no reflection. I wonder why…?