Re-Do

Let's play a short game...i'll say one or two words, and u have to bring up a picture in front of ur mind regarding the words i just said:

"Government offices"....... what is the first thing that comes to ur mind? well, to some it may be paperwork, to others it may be boring, drawn out faces behind the counters, or long queues.....
now i had a very novel experience at one such government office. imagine, little paperwork, normal or slightly smiling faces behind the counters, NO queues!!!!......now, now, dont get ur hopes up... i dont want to shatter ur image of a traditional government office where events happen within the lifetime of a human being. that kind of government office is that Holy Grail,
that ultimate prize sought by all since the times of Genghis Khan. Oh by the way, it is now widely accepted that he was the last ruler under whom government offices attained that
ultimate goal of getting things done fast. (ofcourse, in his government offices, only one thing was done, cutting off people's heads on the whims of the khan...and hence, it was fast!)

So yeah, coming back to modern times, across continents, countries, generations and governing ideologies, one thing that is the same is the image of a "government office". The one thing that comes to my mind when I think of those two words is SLOWWWWWWWWW (the multiple W's have a significant meaning here).

I live in USA, country where speed is the essence of life. everything is done over the internet now, u dont need to move your ass 'at all'!! (yeah yeah...i can hear the cheers from my brethren across the world who read this, and hold the couch seat as "My Preciousssssssss") but then, there are still some places where u absolutely have to get up from ur seats and go to a different place, namely, a G.O.)

So today, i had to go get my driver's license for the new state into which i recently moved. now many of you who have gone to this Temple of Doom (I believe they were going to shoot the Indiana Jones film here) called a DMV (or an RTO back in India) must be feeling that queasy feeling in the stomach and a singular voice shouting in your heads..."Oh nooooooo, not AGAIN!!!!!" yeah, guys, visit to a DMV is never a singular event....it always happens in multiples of two... because you either never have all the papers, or fail the test, or dont have a stamp on some obscure piece of paper you were supposed to bring with you, or u have folded the papers in the wrong direction, or ur photo is one minute and twenty two seconds older than the deadline of 60 days, or one of your forms has your name as "John Doe" while the other has
"Mr. John Doe" (oh with that "Mr." you are a whole new person Sir! TOTALLY different from John Doe!)..... or sometimes, just plain because, the person behind the counter didnt like your name, and wants to make you suffer...

Now, I too had gone there one time before today, and found out that inspite of bringing all the 7 different papers which prove my identity, i had not brought my gas bill. Gas bill apparently is very very very very important, without which even though your passport, your paystub, your previous driver's license, your social security card your visa all declare you to be John Doe living in XYZ place, they are all waste and do no hold any ground. gas bill is that corner stone over which your entire identity is based.

So this time, I had made sure, i had all the papers.... to be very very very very sure, i was also carrying the last 3 months gas, electricity, telephone, and internet bills AND my neighbor's gas bill!!

So i thought, I was well stocked and prepared to face anybody behind the counter this time. I even had a practised sneer in place on my face. But then, i had not thought of one particular kind of people to be behind the DMV counter in the USA. and that was to be my downfall..... because ladies and gentlemen, to my much chagrin, the person behind the counter was none other than an Indian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! One sight at her, and all that confidence i had was shattered, i knew it, i felt it, i instantly saw myself walking back from that office with ''RE-DO" written all over my face... anything, I repeat, ANYTHING i had brought with me would not be enough, no paper was good enough, even if i had brought my whole housing complex's gas bills, they would not suffice to get me my driver's license.

I have this lifelong experience of Indian officials and the torture i have had at their hands. From a certain Ashok Kumar in college, a pan-eating lab assistant in the college workshop to a driving test inspector in US. They sense the fear in me, and grasp me with their taloned claws... i guess, i'm their "preciousssssss". I jointly hold the record for returning from the lab assistant with a new tile to "Re-Do" most number of times. Towards the end, i am sure, he thoroughly enjoyed seeing my innocent face cracking under pressure. I've had sleepless nights for long during those times, and even today, my worst nightmares consist of me opening my passport to find that my name has changed to Mr. Re Do, with a photo of me holding the trophy of "500th Re Do in the history of VJTI" in my hand.

So with trembling hands and scared eyes, I approached the counter. With a methodical and excrutiatingly painfully slow pace, she started looking at my papers and forms. She was sensing my fear, her eyes had started getting greedy, I could see the wicked smile spreading across her face..... "Here's my prey" she must have been thinking. "Where's your social security card?" came the question in a raspy voice. (now, she may have had a really beautiful voice, but whenever i see an indian government officer, all i can see is an evil fox with a raspy voice...what can i do?). My hands were trembling, although I had carried that piece of paper, all the papers in my hand started looking the same....the certificate for "National ReDo Champion" finally, i handed her the paper....... and then she got it. She had found a way to trap me. I knew it because, her evil smile broadened into a hoarse laugh.... (again, for all I know, it might have been a gentle, kind smile, but the evil fox in my mind always has a hoarse laugh) "Your I20 is not stamped!!!!!!!".......... I could almost hear the cheers from the audience as i stepped onto the podium to receive the ReDo Championship trophy....... "I need an I20 that is stamped!!!!" .. i really really think that at this point, i swear i could see the fox licking it's lips and watching its prey succumb to death under the weight of the trophy........... I distinctly remember now, opening my mouth to say something, and only coming up with something like..... but...buunmnlbllalblla...."....... but apparently, I had said something which strengthened my defence.... because, i could see the anger flash in the eyes of the fox, and she grabbed a paper from my hand with a snap..... she went to her boss, and came back many many minutes later with a thoroughly defeated expression....like that of a fox who has lost it's prey.....( i was almost about to ask the people around me, "where do i get the form to Re-fill my application?"). But evidently, my papers were in order, and she could process my application for a driver's license....!!!!!!

I had done the impossible, i had entered a government office and come out with less than 2 ReDo's!!!! my joy knew no bounds.... i just broke out into the biggest grin in the history of mankind! (that's the reason, my drivers license photo looks like somebody has forced open my mouth with a pair of tweezers.....this achievement is going straight into my resume.... in the "Honors and Achievements" section.......

As i walked out of that place, my last thought was.... I've never been so happy to lose a Championship before!!!!!!